Yesterday I started to have a lil panic as my Christmas holiday is almost over – SAD ASS TIMES – I consoled myself by singing White Christmas and then contemplating why January doesn’t have it’s own playlist? Every month should really have its own playlist right? Then we’d actually notice time passing, mind. blown. We listen to the same songs every year leading up to Christmas, then December 25th they’re placed on a metaphorical shelf – as no one has CDs anymore – until the next November when they make their Take That style comeback, more gorgeous and glitzy than ever.
I mean maybe January does have its own playlist, as all that’s on the radio is songs that are depressing af, and that’s pretty much January. You have the internal optimism of Opera, but outside is as gloomy as Snape’s soul. There is a reason that animals hibernate in winter guys, but humans instead decide January is a great time to better yourselves. No, fools, go inside, finish of those M&S Christmas biscuits, search under your sofa for a lost Celebration and cut the mould off your cheese and get to work girl. Keep your inspirational stationary and your Paperchase postcards for another time, just don’t leave it too late or you’ll have to put that winter bod in a bikini.
I feel as though a more appropriate blog post would be a list of all the reasons I don’t want to go back to uni. Top of the list would be missing out on my family’s cooking. I haven’t cooked regularly for 6 weeks straight, I’m not even that good at it, I can make a chilli and a bolgnaise but they’re basically the same thing aren’t they? Be a bit sad if I couldn’t make a chilli after making a bolgnaise, when you just add beans and chilli powder. Tbh eat your heart out Jamie Oliver, who needs five ingredients when you can have one meal five ways? Didn’t think of that trick did ya.
Another sad January moment was that I poured myself a Prosecco at four o’clock the other day, to then realise it was too early for it to be acceptable to drink, and put it back in the fridge as what was festive, is now just alcoholism in January. I’m really not coping well am I. The port is still sat unopened on the side, not that I actually drink port, they just had a taster in M&S and my Nan liked it so I thought we could have a tipple or two on the big day. But did I remember, of course not, I’d been drinking since 11.
Potentially the saddest part of returning to York is that I CAN’T BRING MY DOGS. WHY GOD WHY.
Obvs I do love uni. I’m excited to see my friends and do all the fun parts of uni, I’m not a completely deranged hermit, not yet anyway, but the work load is not gonna be the one is it. To put it in perspective for y’all, I have 14,000 words to write before I finish in May. 14,000. I have two so far, JOG ON.
Side note: Instead I’ve decided to start re-reading the Harry Potter series, I’m absolutely-friggin loving it. I do feel I’d only be excited for a term now if you told me it was at Hogwarts, I’ve got half the merchandise already could practically move in tomorrow.
I also fall into the perfectionism black hole in York, I start enjoying what I’m doing and working extra hard and then expect to do really well in essays as hard work pays off right guys? UM NOPE NOT FOR JESS. I’m not sure what more my department want from me, they have my money, my time, my effort, my words, I guess blood is left?
When in reality I don’t give a toads fart about half of what I read or write on, do you know what I’d actually like to do? I’d like to finish reading LOTR, or finish Chapter 6 of my novel, or read the new play I ordered. Because shock horror, what I want to do for a living is be a writer or actor. Hmm, maybe I take back the previous statement about not being deranged, but if you got a dream go chase it or something… otherwise you’ll be 70 and wonder why you’ve spent your whole life doing something you don’t like. Also we’re poor already, so why not continue ey?
On that note, here’s the whole point of this ramble – I know, took me long enough – but here ya still are babe reading along.
Spring Term Aspirations:
I want to finish my novel by July, and if I write a chapter (ish) a week then I will finish the first one of the series. It does not mean everyday I’ll bang out a finger licking good piece of Shakespeare, no, no, maybe some days only a sentence of genius – we can’t all be me, can we?
Read books unrelated to my degree
I’ve found that this keeps me sane while at uni, as I’ll be honest an English degree reading list isn’t as enticing or adventurous as you’d hope. I haven’t read all the classics, I haven’t read books that inspired me to choose English, like Gatsby or The Handmaid’s Tale. Instead it’s an odd selection of texts and 80% of it is stuff your lecturer is obsessed with, and it’s boring as your Nan’s wallpaper, then they throw a mainstream text in there to remind you that you aren’t doing a degree in archeology of forgotten, should-have-been-burnt-long-ago literature.
Complete the Grace Fit Guide
Some people find having several things to do at once a bit overwhelming, and end up looking like a constipated squirrel for majority of term, but not me, I actually like spinning all my plates at once. I only actually have one plate at uni so I actually could probs spin that one. I find if I’m controlling little bits of everything, my life seem to come together, as that’s basically how life works, good advice Jess. Grace is amazing and her guides are so accessible, so I’m excited to restart them – I’ve not been lifting for like four weeks now, but even so I can do her guide well just hurts more. Yay.
Get on with your own thang
Get on with your own shit and leave everyone else to theirs. I can’t be doing with people complaining or whining, come on nobody likes a Janice. Pipe down and pull yourself together, everyone has their own pile of shit just start working through your own.
Make a clear outline of my Dissertation
Right I’m admitting it exists and that’s the first step to solving a problem right- don’t know why that has come out like an AA meeting speech. Obvs when I’m home in Peterborough I don’t have access to the libs, so I need to do practically all my research before I come home for Easter. As I would ideally like to write and finish my dissertation before I return to York in April. I say that now, but I’ll probs be too distracted by um, a blade of grass, or my dog’s ass to actually want to do that.
Make the most of what’s on offer in York
Ugh I sound like one of those cliche American sorority girls, or something that was said at fresher’s week, but damn they actually got a point. It’s easy to get distracted by well the work and stress at uni, or what’s for dinner, so you miss that play you wanted to see, or that yoga class you desperately wanted to go to, to sit and wonder whether you could eat a Dominos family meal deal by yourself. It took two days, but yeh I did it. Proudest achievement to date, ty ty.
Stay focused on the bigger picture
My dream is not to be an academic and teach whiney, hungover, sleep-deprived teenagers for the rest of my days, as tbh they’d probs know more than I do within a week and I can’t deal with that inferiority. And it’s rude to tell put their hand down or I’ll shove their copy of *insert-middle-aged-white-man’s-text* up their ass, if they say another good thing about him. Happy thoughts. As that is not my dream, so I don’t need to invest in tweed, or hours of beating myself up for not getting a first, as well I don’t need it for what I want to do. My best is my best and if that ain’t good enough for you Hun, then your loss sweet cheeks.
Try new things
Ey, not in a rude way, cheeky. But I want to do more of things I enjoy, and also take things I used to like up as a hobbit again. Like I used to do an evening yoga class and loved it, I would love to do that again, as if I’m inverted I can drown out all those negative voices right? Well that’s what I hear anyway.
Get adventurous with my cooking
I have a selection of yummy cookbooks coming back with me to York and my slow cooker, in an attempt to learn how to cook well, to hopefully spend less money on food I can’t make. Also it gets boring eating the same few meals everyday, so I’m going to at least try and be a bit more adventurous with my meals. It’s also a more productive form of procrastination, and I’m deffo up for that.