It’s no secret that I love to plan, mainly for the stationary ngl and in those rare moments I actually have free time, and feel slightly bored, then I have something to look forward too. Also my friends are all super busy with real lives of their own, so I have to keep some kinda plan in order to actually see them yanoo, ever. Rather than living the uni life where I could just message and see them 5 mins later with a mug of gin.
BUT then again so much of the past few months I had not planned for.
I hadn’t planned to do an MA in Creative Writing, or to teach drama or to be an editor. I had planned to muddle through, live at home, save money and have myself a lil gap yah. Travel, save, then spend all the money, the usual.
I almost didn’t go to the interview for my current job. I’d had several rejections and thought it was highly unlikely I’d get a position as Features Editor, when I had little experience outside my degree in writing. It seems absurd now to look back and think I almost didn’t go simply because I was afraid that I may fail.
It’s also a challenging job as I’ve never worked in publishing or journalism before, it’s all new, and you’re just thrown in and trusted to be able to produce a magazine or two. It’s amazing and incredibly rewarding, but damn the first few weeks pushed me right out of my comfort zone. I learnt about processes of self-builds and renovations I never knew about, styles of writing, pitching, and just generally working in a team to produce a glossy thing that someone might want to read.
The fear of failure didn’t stop me with applying to drama schools, it actually didn’t even cross my mind. I applied to maybe 6/7 different schools. I didn’t get any recalls, interviews, nada, but that was a-ok because I know it’s part of the business and that meant I was finally entering the industry. It didn’t feel like a failure to me, as I’d waited a ridiculously long time to apply, that by the time I did, it didn’t matter what the result was. I was finally doing something I wanted to do. It was liberating af, you should try it.
I also finally took my friend’s advice and got Bumble and Tinder. I’d always been kinda uninterested in dating apps and didn’t really see the point or find the time, but I gave it a chance and I’m pleased I did. Creeps aside obvs.
Life has been very full the past few months; I’m always doing something, which initially and still at certain moments makes me uncomfortable. I feel too on-the-go, or like there’s too much to do. But it’s 100% worth it.
In a nutshell, my life could be very different right now. I feel incredibly lucky to be where I am, and I’m aware that I’m only where I am now because I did the things I was unsure about, or more accurately because I took chances I was unsure about.
Do I still want to travel across both islands of New Zealand? Hell yeah. Do I want to swim in lagoons and kayak into coves in Thailand? Duhh. Do I want to return to the Grand Canyon? PLS YES. But those opportunities will always be there. Right now, I am loving that I have an income, a routine, an amazing job, and that I enjoy my Masters, that those lil travels can wait for another day.
So get comfortable being uncomfortable as that’s when the best things start to happen, I promise ya.
Including these views, as even though I hate heights I went right to the top of the rock to the edge when there are hardly any railings. Worth it.