For Real? #2

Recently I’ve had a little bit of a revelation, it began the moment I finished my dissertation. I began to think about the events to follow and all the outfits that I would have to wear to them. I was anxious about how I’d look in certain things after yanoo eating chocolate every day for a week, and having celebratory meals out for like 4 days. Obvs this is a ridiculous way to think. But, that made me then think (lol this makes me sound like I’m Overthinking R Us) that…

I cannot remember a time when I didn’t think I was fat.

Even when I was a size 8 I thought I was big. Basically, for my whole life, I have thought of myself as big, the fat friend or larger than everyone else in photos. I never focused on how happy I was when the photos were taken or something positive about myself in the photo, I only saw the negatives.

At this point, I weigh more than I have for a while as holla chocolate my old friend. I’ve had dissertation treats, picnics, celebratory drinks, meals, and this change in my diet massively effects me unlike some of my friends. Lucky sods.

Tbf some of the weight is also muscle growth as I’ve been weightlifting regularly now for three months following workouts from Grace Fit’s Home Guides and her Instagram. I’m honestly in love with weight training, getting stronger is so so addictive and empowering. But I’m no Serena Williams yet (isn’t she such a legend? Especially in her catsuit). There’s time tho.

To view photos and see “I’m fat” is just ridiculous. I have fat, my curves are always curvy and more prominent at the moment, but so what? Btw this is the photo & day that spurred on this long-winded ramble that you’ve had the pleasure of reading.

I could focus on my flaws in this photo, but this photo was taken on an AMAZING day. My whole course had handed their dissertation in (so finished our degree) and went out to celebrate and catch up after our period of hibernation with our laptops. I was having a great time with my friends. I have imperfections, who doesn’t. But the only way to be more comfortable with how you look is changing your attitude to how you view yourself. You might be thinking, girl, tell me something I don’t know. And YET we all have our wobbles that we don’t look like so and so, that our legs have cellulite or stomach isn’t as flat as so and so’s. We’re surrounded by photoshopped, airbrushed, and edited photos everywhere we look; on Instagram, magazines, adverts, TV programmes, films etc.

I’ve only just started to adjust how I view myself and my body, but the change already is crazy. AND it gives me more time to care about more important things.

Your body will always change size, your skin will always change too, as your life is always changing. But we are all beautiful exactly as we are, and trying to change how we are to fit into some kind of standard or some idea of beauty we have seen elsewhere or someone tells you to become or even just in our head is silly. There is only one of you, and only ever stay true to yourself, even if that means wearing converse with a skirt to last to 4am on a night out. Go for it.

If you’re looking for other reading that focuses on body-confidence and mental and physical well being, I cannot recommend Bryony Gordon’s new book Eat, Drink, Run’ enough! I’m in love with it, and her, and her Instagram. She’s fantastic and talks openly and honestly about her mental health and the importance of self-care, and valuing your body and it’s capabilities, all alongside yanoo training for a marathon, being a Mum, and writing novels.

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