If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you’ll know that in January I went through a break up.
It was tough and it wasn’t my decision to end the relationship, but I know now that it was the right decision. I wrote about how the break up initially felt like a failure here and how that has changed over time.
A break up is an ending, but it’s also a brand new beginning.
You get to effectively start over again with more clarity about what you want and what you’ll never settle for again.
I realised that a “normal” life isn’t for me. I had settled into a routine and a life that didn’t align with anything that I wanted or aspired to. It was comfortable but I was never that happy, as it wasn’t all that me. It’s easily done though, as I thought I was happy, but I wasn’t.
It’s more than when one door closes another door opens or there’s plenty more fish in the sea, the fact is that there are plenty more people to like-minded in the world. You will meet them and connect with, it just might not have happened yet.
When something ends, the future you thought was coming ends too, but there are countless possibilities and opportunities left in its place.
Your future could now go a thousand different ways instead of just one, and that’s so exciting and appealing to me.
I don’t make long-term plans. I have dreams and I try and fit them around other people, when I shouldn’t need too. The whole point is that with the right person they will embrace and respect what I want.
I’m also easily swayed by other people’s dreams for their future or what society’s view of what life should be. I try to align with other people, rather than accept that the future I want is very different to theirs.
Why a break up is a great new beginning:
You get to start over, but with more clarity
Sometimes a break up can feel as though you’re starting over from square one. Back to dating apps and being single, but you aren’t at square one.
You’re so much further forward than when you were single before as you’ve learnt so much from the previous relationship. You know more about what you do and don’t want, which is invaluable and will save you much more time and energy in the future.
There are more possibilities for your future
When there’s someone else’s life and future to consider you have to compromise your own. Regardless of how much independence you claim to have in a relationship, there has to be a level of compromise or it doesn’t last.
After a break up you get to reassess your present and what you want from the future and there will be more options open to you, than there were when you were in a relationship as you only have to consider yourself.
It’s also about having the freedom to work towards your goals without second guessing yourself, worrying about someone else or needing someone else’s approval/support/opinion.
You have more time and energy for yourself
In the wrong kind of relationship, everything becomes very draining as you spend all your energy and time figuring out how to make the relationship work. Which then leaves little time for you to think about yourself and your own endeavours.
I think knowing yourself and working on yourself is the most powerful thing you can do.
It’s not selfish either, as everyone benefits from you working on yourself, including those people around you.
You won’t make the same mistakes again with the right person
I think this is a given really, but the whole point of break ups is that when the right person comes along you are ready to be with them.
You’ll know yourself, what you want and what you’re looking for, so you’ll be unlikely to settle with anything less. It’s not always the case, but after two or three big break ups I am definitely more aware of how I want a relationship to be and I know that the same mistakes won’t happen with the right person.
Do you think a break up is also a new beginning?