You are not a damsel in distress

you are not a damsel in distress
Michelle Terry as Rosalind in As You Like It at the Globe Theatre, London

Recently, I have seen so many needy women who play the damsel in distress.

Women who rely on men to make them feel better, to drive them around, to give them the status of being in a relationship, to give them the stability and comfort that comes with being in a relationship.

I am not that woman.

We do not need to rely on men for everything, to drive us around, to support us, to care for us, to save us, as we are not, I repeat we are NOT damsels in distress.

Yes, we are damsels, yes there are moments of distress, but it is you and you alone who has to get out of those stressful situations.

Like Trevor’s response in Iron Man 3 to why he didn’t press the panic button, he panicked but then he handled it. Be like Trevor. Actually, no don’t, he’s a moron, but moving on.

Sometimes obviously we call for help, but that’s because it’s human to do so. We go to our friends to watch movies, or get our favourite take out or we talk to our partner.

But it is not their job to “fix you” or “save you” it is not anyones job to “save you” regardless of your age, sex, education, gender.

You need to be with a man who respects women. Who believes in equality and calls himself a feminist.

I know couples where the balance is all wrong, where they can’t stand on their own two feet as they are too busy leaning on the other person.

You know the trust exercise where you lean on someone and they have to lean back in order for you to not fall over? That is what a relationship is.

That is actually what all relationships are, with your family, friends, partner. You lean on each other so you are equally supported.

I have been the person who is purely leaned on and I have also been the leaner too, and that is why those relationships didn’t work, because people can only take so much.

People are selfish and need attention from another human being, and they also want to give attention and care for other human beings.

I know girls who rely on their boyfriends for everything – they use them as a taxi, they use their house for convenience, they have a problem and instantly have to share and unload onto the other person.

They basically shout in their best damsel voice, help!

Do not get sucked into the stereotype of a man protecting and caring for women. Those stereotypes aren’t real.

You don’t always need his help. When you realise that you can deal with your own day and your own thoughts life becomes far simpler.

Men are not strong, women are not weak. We can all be strong but we can all be weak, we can all be vulnerable and lost and belittled.

In the same way as we can all be lonely, and feel trapped and scared. But that is why we have to learn to lean on each other in order for us all to feel stronger, powerful, wiser and better.

Women are not inferior. We can be strong, or weak, or tall, or lean, or fat, or small, or soft. Women are all shapes and all sizes. We can do anything. You do not need to rely on men for everything, and also you should not ever want to aim to do that. Men need our support as much as we need theirs.

I realise this is a roundabout way of saying I do not agree with unequally balanced relationships between the sexes (read more here), but unfortunately I seem to see it everywhere at the moment.

Repeat after me, you are not a damsel in distress. Nor do you need to be, it’s a stereotype that shouldn’t exist.

But in order to try and prevent offending other people, I will say in Rosalind fashion that I charge you, O women, for the love you bear to men, to like as much of this post as please you.

P.S. Massive love for Michelle Terry as Rosalind.

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