There was a snail in my sausage

Now I’m going to tell you a little story about when I found a snail in a sausage (read more in the Daily Mail here – yes it made the Mail and the Mirror here).

Ellie and I were feeling the second year blues – so much work, so little time and sometimes it’s all a bit overwhelming. Of course, the only thing to improve this morning was going out for breakfast.

We drove to Franky and Benny’s, ordered a full English and the food arrived. Bliss.

Then I cut into my sausage. I look and think, that’s a funny looking herb… it almost looks like, well it almost looks like a snail.

Then I look closer, there is a snail in this sausage.

I show Ellie and ask what does that look like to you?

Hoping that I am in fact wrong. But no she said also, a snail. And I freak out.

THERE IS A SNAIL IN MY SAUSAGE. A SNAIL.

Then pure delirium and sickness set in and I felt that I may be traumatised for life. I looked around to see families eating breakfast, little children unsuspectedly tucking into their snail sausages.

I should have screamed EVERYONE PUT THE SAUSAGES DOWN, THERE WAS A SNAIL IN MY SAUSAGE.

Instead I laugh at how ridiculous my life has become, and try not to vomit.

My day didn’t improve much as I went home and drank a Diet Coke from my cupboard that went out in September 2016 (four months ago)

So I thought is this what rock bottom looks like?

Is there no relief from feeling blue?

You can’t even enjoy a cooked breakfast as there’s then a snail in your sausage.

It was one of those moments where you re-evaluate your life, you think, hey life isn’t so bad because I could have EATEN that snail in my sausage.

Alas the moral of this true and bizarre story is: always check your sausage. Don’t ever eat at Franky and Benny’s, and don’t ever come near me with a snail again.